"Be Heather" is an intimate look on how Mills fans can imitate their idol, Miss Heather Mills in dress, look, make-up, and personality. Let's take a deeper look into this facinating manuel written by Peg herself...
Hmmm, in three steps how could anyone be me? Well, heres what I think! First step, forget everything you know about the Beatles. I mean, I hadn't even HEARD of them until I started dating Paul, so I'm sure you don't know them either! Yeah, you might have vaguely heard of them here or there but just forget everything you know about them! Okay, so like whats another way you could be like me? Get yourself a multi-billionaire boyfriend! Hey, if I can do it, so can you! Just like go to all those square places they hang out. Like, computer dudes might be at Radio Shack and Bill Gates is rich or something so you ought to check out your local Radio Shack. Rich dudes also hang out at the Playboy bunny mansion. Hee hee! I would know! HEE HEE! Also, never settle for less. I almost married this millionaire (which time?) but I called it off cuz I knew I could get richer. Okay, the third way you can be like me: Start sucking up to cameras! Ever since I've been with Paul, he like drags me along to all these awards thingies and pubilicty shoots. And he's always like, "Peg, when we go to this important meeting, behave yourself! Act like a lady, blah, Blah, BLAH!" I usually don't pay attention. But yeah, when your as rich and famous as me, you have to make all these appearances and you have to be cute for the camera. Like, Paul is forever telling me not to look at the camera when their taking just normal, everyday shots but who cares what HE says?
These days, just EVERYONE is trying to look like me! I mean, for example, I saw a picture of Britney Spears and she was like SO copying me!!! I mean, she saw how I have like these dark roots since my hair isn't...really...all that blonde (but it is! Kind of). So she like goes out and grows her roots so she can look like me. Check this out:
See what I mean?!? So like, now in my new book you can learn how to look like me, and do it right! I go all into detail on the many methods of creating a gap between your two front teeth, or having the BEST widow's peak on your forehead when you wear your hair back.
In addition to learning my Heather charm and beauty secrets, I'll give you my take on a fashion sense! All the certain rules that'll make you just like me. One rule I stick to is never wear a bra with a tank top! Your bra straps show, and no one can notice anyway...
Other fashion trends for me? Well I've always been a fan of the rose frocks! Hee hee. Oooh, and matching non-matching colors like green and purple! Hey Twiggy did it so I can too. Like, that makes me MOD.
In my book "Be Heather" you will learn all you need to know on how to become the beautiful, rich, adorable me! I know, I know: you will never be as perfect as I am. But by reading my book, you'll get pretty darn close! hee hee! So buy it today, before Paul finds out I published it. PS, It would be in my and your best interest not to tell Paul about my book! He gets mad when I try to get attention. Cheerio!
Reviews for "Be Heather"
The New York Times calls it...
The US Chronicle declares...
"The next Mrs. Paul McCartney has done it again."
The London Tabloids exclaim...
Chatting With Heather
Recently, a chat with Heather Mills was conducted using questions submitted by fans through email. Well we didn't like the results of the interview, and here is what it really would have sounded like (had Heather's typist/secratary not answered all the questions for her):
Is fame attractive?
-Kyle Barnum, London
Um...DUH! I mean like, its about time I'm recognized for being this cute. Ya see, stupid Paul tries to tell me not to get all involved with the media and junk cuz its not "my place". But I'm his fiance` for God sake! So he better get used to sharing all the attention (I think he's jealous because I'm cuter than he is!). Gee, this chatting stuff is fun.
I've been listening to 'Freedom' [McCartney's single in response to 11 September] and wondered what your input was?
-Sharlene Misson, by e-mail
Oh, this is SO typical. HELLO?! We're here to talk about ME, not my millionaire boyfriend! How should I know what his song is about? Since its called "Freedom", I'm willing to bet its all like about Vietnam and crap. He's like from the sixties and they were like in war, I think. So yeah, thats my input.
Is bombing Afghanistan a necessary evil?
-Saia Shauh, by e-mail
In my opinion, bombs are like these giant LAND MINES. You like drop up on people and then stuff goes exploding and junk. I think land minds are bad, so that makes bombs bad. As for Afcrapistan, isn't that in China? Yeah, I like chinese food. So bombing Afcrapistan is like bombing chinese food and why would you want to do that?
How do you stay positive?
-K Burdett, by e-mail
Drugs. Paul is loaded with 'em! I mean, I found some hash under his pillow once!! They keep me going.
Will you still send Paul a valentine when he's 64?
-Elton Roebuck, by e-mail
Thats kind of a weird question. Is that like some kind of joke or something? Well, Paul isn't gonna be 60 for like another...15 years. So I shouldn't worry about it today. But now that you mention it, I'll make a note of it in my agenda so I don't forget.
I heard you have adopted a minefield ?" what is that about?
-Hugh Carter, London
Oh, I know this one! A mind field is like a piece of land you can buy where you put up this sign that says "No Land Minds Here. You're Free to Walk Through." Yeah, its like really cool. Buying land is awesome. I was thinking of doing something with mine. You know, like decorating it or something. Maybe I'll put a fence around it. Or grow a flower on it. Gee, I sound like a natural real estate person!
I'm a broke student. You went from cardboard city to living in a beautiful farmhouse. What's your advice?
-Elaine Barbour, Salford
What the hell are you talking about? I'm not a real-estate person! Are you asking to buy my cardboard city house? Leave me alone.
If you had your time again, would you try to prevent your accident?
-David Hasell, Thames Ditton
No. If I could do it all over again, I sure would! I'd hop back on that motorcycle and jump off it so my leg could be brutally torn away forever (by the way, I'm being SARCASTIC).
My little sister lost her leg in a road accident. Often when she wakes she says she can still feel it. What would your advice be?
-Madeleine Keady, by e-mail
Well theres no questions to it: Your sister's a liar. My advice is to tell her the story of Pinnocio. There was a little wooden boy named Pinnocio who began to tell tall tales. So when his dad Japedo heard him telling a fib, he would chop off another piece of his wooden nose. Well then, all of Pinnocio's friends hated him because he had no nose, and he looked stupid. So if your sister keeps pretending she has a leg, tell her the tale! That'll straighten her out.
Since getting involved with Paul McCartney you have been forced to live your life in a very public arena. How do you cope?
-Sheena McEllison, Newcastle
Finally, someone who understands my pain! Sheena, it is one pain in the @ss! Not being in the publics' eye, but Paul! He likes to wear these old man socks, you know the ones with the vertical plaid stripes on them? And I have to throw them away while he's not around so no one esle sees them on him. Then, sometimes when we are making babies, he has the nerve to cry out Linda's name! I mean, what a prick! Other times when he's had a hard day, he asks me to cook for him and its like, "Am I your cook? Heat up your own Hot Pocket!" So to answer your question Sheena, putting up with Paul is tough stuff but someone's gotta do it.
I couldn't believe that you had witnessed both the events of 11 September and the Queens plane crash. What went through your head the second time?
-T. Pritchard, London
The first thing that went through my head was, "This is gay. Why do planes have to like crash into stuff? Its not nice." I told Paul that, and he called me naive or something to that effect. But I know whats going on: We need to hire better plane flying dudes.
I was delighted to hear you have become vegetarian. Do you plan to promote vegetarianism?
-Fiona Pereira, by e-mail
No! I'm no Linda McCartney save-the-animals-superwoman. She's gone, you have to learn to accept ME and stop comparing me with little miss perfect Linda. I have better causes to suppot like land minds and pet rocks.
What was the inspiration for Night of 1,000 Dinners? And how can I get involved?
-M. Brandon, Brighton
I don't know. Sounds like something Geoff Baker got me into. Ask him. He makes me get involved in a lot of stuff I don't want to do. He's mean.
What's your favourite Beatles track?
-John Mills, Yorkshire
Hmmm...good question. I'm gonna have to say "Satisfaction".
What are your memories of the accident with the motorcycle? Do you feel any bitterness?
-Hortense Gilbert, by e-mail
I remember it hurt a lot. But thats okay cuz I counter-sued his @$$! Am I bitter? Not after I won the case...
Is there anything that having a prosthetic limb stops you doing?
-Edgar Jarvis, by e-mail
Cart-wheels, and break-dancing.
To what extent does your image square with the internal reality? If there is a gap, what fills it?
-Ben Fordham, London
Thats all psychological and junk, isn't it? Um, I'm pretty on the outside and I'm pretty on the inside. No gap there. And I'm blonde on the outside but ya can't call me a dumb blonde! That's for sure. I'm just as intelleganent as anyone of you. I've had fun answering all your questions! Thanks everybody, and don't forget to buy my book. Hee hee!