John stared at me wide-eyed as if I had just told him he won a brand new car. "Bloody flamin' hell, are you drunk?" he blurted out. I broke into a small smile and said, "No, I'm not drunk. I just...don't make me give this second thoughts! Either we do or we don't but I just have an impulse about this. Yes or no?" John bit his lip as an offer he had so long fantisized actually confronted him. "But what about St-"
"Forget about Stuart! I don't even want to hear his name, I just want to be with you...NOW! I don't want to talk about it. Please, John. I need you right now and f*ck everything else. Please." Inwardly, John was slightly amused at the irony of ME pleading for HIM. If he was feeling as himself, he might have made a production out of it. Perhaps even play hard-to-get. But since the matter was such a rare opportunity, he wouldn't bargain with fate and take the chance of losing it. "Okay, Trixi. You just tell me where and when. I'm all yours," he said sincerely. I sighed in relief. "Can we be alone?" I asked softly. He took my hand and we began searching for a secluded area. My heart was beating faster than it ever had before, and I felt lost in the moment. I needed more than anything to get Stuart out of my mind, and try forgetting what I had seen. At the time, all I wanted was to feel loved again. And at the time, John was the only one who could give me that false pretence.
I was holding his warm hand as he guided me around the house, and I followed closely like a trailing shadow. We wandered through the various rooms but all of which were occupied by lurkers and drinkers. At one point, we walked in on George, who was in the guestroom in bed with a German girl from the Kaiserkellar. Startled, he jumped up to see who had entered. "Oh sorry," John said and we turned to leave. The girl put her arms back around George and they continued to embrace under the heaps of blankets.
John pushed open the bathroom door when to his disgust were two men in an intimate moment. Flushed, John quickly shut the door and said to me, "What kind of people are you girls hanging out with?!" I smiled at him and answered, "Poets and artists." He sneared and added, "Oh, you mean queers."
"They aren't ALL queers. But this is Hamburg, what do you expect?"
John squeezed my hand. "Point considered." he said and kept leading me around the flat. We came upon the kitchen and he suggested, "How about the table?"
I gave him a look which instantly made him reconsider. Back in the livingroom, Paul had occupied the couch with another girl he met. They were not as "involved" as George and his bird were but buisy, all the same. John turned to me, beginning to look hopeless. "Trixi, this entire flat is raving with people. I can't think of anywhere that would be isolated. Hey, how about your bedroom?"
"NO!" I cried, as if John had just touched a reflex button. "No, I um, already checked and it was taken." He shrugged and gazed around. We stood for a moment in a long awkward silence. Possibly, both of us were considering the foolishness of the idea in the first place. But John was too determined to give up. He broke the silence and said, "What about your car?!" Well it was not exactly a bad suggestion. We would get all the peace and quiet I so much longed for. "Great." I said, and quickly, we rushed out the door. As we entered the still night, the crickets trilling song greeted us. We slipped around the back and found the black Mercedes parked, alone and forlorn. Not for long.
John opened the backseat door and said, "Ladies' first." I gave a sarcastic curtsy and we laughed as we climbed into the backseat. He shut the door behind him, making us finally alone. John glanced at me, with much anticipation. I was fiddling with my hands, waiting for something to happen. I could feel him watching me, and suddenly, I didn't know exactly what to do. I decided it was best to prepare. Reaching for the back of my head, I pulled out the tight barette and let my hair fall down over my shoulders. John gritted his teeth, admiring the sight. He leaned in and began kissing my shoulder. I could feel his soft lips nibbling at the crease between my neck and shoulder, as it soothed me. All the hurt, and suffering from my earlier exposure dispersed. My mind left Stuart in a cloud of dust. I let myself go as John kissed me tenderly. Temptingly, he reached for the neckline of my blouse and pulled the strap off my shoulder. I gazed into his big brown eyes, that glistened in the moonbeams. He smiled down at me, and caressed my cheek. John looked incredibly handsome that lonely night in Hamburg.
I pulled off the loose, black blouse and let it fall to the floor of the car. As John witnessed it, he looked more enticed than ever. He viciously pulled his shirt off and threw it in the front seat, lodging himself towards me. I pulled him close, with my arms wrapped around his neck and we began to kiss. My heart was still pounding in my chest a mile a minute, but it was a tingle of lust. My hands were in John's hair as we kissed and I breathed in the scent of his long locks. It smelled musky but sweet...kind of like John. He was kissing me assertively which I suppose was all in his nature. He always kissed a lot more passionately than Stuart, with such aggression and force. I lied down across the cushioned backseat and he fit his body on top of mine, comfortably. John kicked off his shoes and pulled off his socks as well. He then fought with his belt to take if off as quickly as possible. I didn't bother watching him undress. I found myself looking up, out the window at the twinkling stars above. They were so promising, and full of wonder. Not a care in the world, had those stars.
John was struggling to pull down his leather pants, when I finally noticed him. He caught my eye, and tried to resume being suave. It made me laugh though he said, "It's not funny! They won't come off!" I leaned up and said in a sultry voice, "What ever is the matter?" He looked slightly embarressed but to cover his precious pride, he answered, "Nothing." After a couple minutes, John was still trying to get them off and I finally said, "John! What's the problem? Why won't they come off?" He paused for a second to answer. "They are kind of stuck because...well, I was...sweating. And whenever leather gets wet, it's you know...difficult." I smiled and helped him pull them down. Once I finished, he quickly straightened up and acted as if nothing had happened. It made me smile that he put on such an act.
John moved back on top of me and began to kiss my neck. I suddenly felt him leave a hickey on the back of my neck, and a shiver ran down my spine. I stroked his chest, which strangely lacked any hair. This was a big difference to Stuart, whom had a chest of thick hair. But who could think of Stuart in a time like this? John leaned up a little to look into my eyes once more. He started to reach for the back of my bra-strap when I stopped him and said, "John, do you love me?" He stared at me with those big, brown eyes and replied, "With every bone in my body." He waited for my approval before he unsnapped the strap and I smiled at him to give him the signal.
It was most definately an enchanting night.
It must have been early morning when I awoke, only to hear the soft breathing of John underneath me. My eyes flickered open as the sun spilled in through the car window and shed a ray of light over our two bodies, molded together. I rubbed my sleepy eyes and nestled my head into John's bare chest. There I lied, limp-eyed from exhaustion and overwhelmed in bliss from the night before. I gazed down at the two of us, both lying undressed in the backseat of a black Mercedes. He had his arm curled over my back, and his head propped up against his other arm. One leg was wrapped around me, holding me close. He looked so preciously innocent in his sleep. It made me smile to see him lying there so tranquil. "Tiiiime to wake uuuup," I cooed in his ear. John grunted a little, than turned his head away from me. "John, sweetheart. Wake up, love." I said gentley in his ear. He opened his eyes and looked at me, groggily. Then in an act of laziness, he rolled over and drifted back to sleep. I laughed and said more loudly, "John! It's morning now. Get up!"
"Sleepy now. Wake me up later." He mumbled under his breathe. I sneared. Nothing I could say would change his mind anyhow. I bit my lip, wondering what to do. Than, it hit me. I took the hand he had holding my back and set it someplace else...that would catch his attention. "John," I said enticingly as I placed down his hand. In an instant, his eyes opened wide and he cried alloud, "Good morning, indeed!" I giggled as I leaned up to kiss him and he kissed me back, sweetly.
"So did you have a lovely night, Miss Trixi?" John asked as if he were a reporter interviewing me.
"It was moderately decent, fairly well but not great," I proposed manner-of-factly. He laughed and said, "Oh was it? Do tell?"
"It was amazing."
"Ah, yes. And what was the high-light of the evening? The low point?"
"The best part was the fondling. The worst part was the foreplay."
He pinched my cheek and said, "You bitch, you broke my heart." I laughed at him, and cuddled in his arms. "How about you, love? What did you think?"
"Well I personally felt the kissing was the best part. And maybe that one thing we did...you know what I'm talking about. THAT was fantastic. But I believe the foreplay must have been the low-point of the evening."
My heart sank. I shrugged a little uncomfortabley and asked, "Why?"
"Wasn't nearly long enough!" He joked. Relieved, I said, "For a moment there, I took you seriously."
"And that was your first mistake," He threw in.
"A good thought to consider in the future."
"Never take me seriously?"
"So how's about a little morning snack?" He offered in a flirtatious tone.
I touched my stomach and something inside me shunned the idea of food.
"No thank you."
"Not even just a little morning quickie?"
"I should have known!"
John burst out laughing and cried, "You did it again! You took me seriously."
"Call me a trusting person, if you must," I pleaded sassily.
I pulled myself closer to him and began to french kiss his tender lips. He smiled a little, getting into the moment. Suddenly, I heard the faint sound of voices in the backround. I withdrew my lips from John, whispering, "Did you hear something?"
"Hear what? I didn't hear a thing. Come on, baby." He moved foward to kiss me again but I blocked his lips with a long index finger. "Shhh. I could have sworn I heard voices. Outside. Listen."
"They ate our house clean, there's nothing left. I'll have to go to the market to pick up some things like food and napkins. You know, the lot." said the first voice.
"Well that's what happens when you throw a party, love. When are you going to leave?" The second voice inquired.
Like a swan taking each movement with care, I lurched my neck up and peered out the window to see who was outside. There in the drive-way, stood Astrid and Paul. My heart skipped a beat. "It's Paul and Astrid!" I exclaimed. "We gotta get dressed and outta hear!"
The voices continued.
"I think I'll take the Mercedes and drive down to the local market. Don't worry, I'll be back in a flash. You boys just hang around the house for a little while. Make yourselves at home, as always."
"Yeah, no problem. We'll just lurk about. Hey, have you seen John?"
"No, can't say I have. He must be somewhere in the house. He couldn't have left. He didn't bring any money on him for a cab and its not like he just walked back to the Kaiserkellar."
"I guess you're right. I looked for him this morning and I couldn't find him anywhere. But he's gotta be 'round, right?"
"Of corse. He'll turn up."
John and I were in a havoc, trying to fumble on our clothes at once. "Where's my bra?" I cried, frantically. "I can't find my knickers!" He shot back. "Is she coming?" I asked. John glanced out the window. "She'll be here any minute! Just put on any clothes you can find and let's get the hell out of here."
I pulled up my tight, black pants over my underwear and slipped on my blouse over my chest, with no bra in sight. John managed to find his knickers and he was completely dressed. "Come on! Let's go," he motioned for me to follow him. Ever so carefully, John opened the door and we slipped out of the car. John and I were squatting behind the vehicle, watching Paul and Astrid carefully. They exchanged a few more words, than Astrid started towards the car.
John quick-wittingly spotted an arc in the wall, and pulled me in it. We stood as erect against that wall as if we were standing poles. I bit my lip nervously as Astrid came up to the Mercedes and got into the front seat. Should she glance even slightly to the left, we would be visible. It just so happened we stood in her blind spot. She started up the car, and backed it out of the drive-way. I was holding my breathe the whole time, when I released it in a sigh of relief. "That was close!" I whispered to John. I heard the back door of the flat slam close which meant Paul had went inside.
***As soon as we snuck back into the house, I went straight to the bathroom and locked the door behind me. I was overwhelmed with an ill feeling in the depths of my stomach, and an ache in my heart. A putrid naeuseation overcame me, as I held my stomach in my arms. It was the sickness of guilt. I looked at myself in the mirror. "What have I done?" I said to the small reflection. "Have I lost control of my life?" The girl in the mirror shared the same puzzled statement as I, looking bleakly back at me. "Did I really just sleep with my boyfriend's best mate?"