Chapter Four


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"Hamburg Nights"
It took me a moment to realise my confession. Had I
really just said that? Judging by Stuart's daft
expression, I must have. His cheeks went ruddy, and he
smiled, not knowing what to say. I was even more
speachless. How did you follow THAT up? "Um, I'm
sorry! I'm just...being random. I do that sometimes,
you know. Just say whatever comes out without really
thinking it through. Please, really, just...oh! Um,
forgive me, I didn't mean..." I stammered. He was
smiling even more as I tried to redeem any dignity I
had left. Then he licked his lips, and in an instant,
drew foward to kiss me. I couldn't help but kiss him
back. We stood in the kitchen, against the counter,
kissing softly and smoothly. His lips pressed against
mine, his face close to mine. I kept kissing him until
a loud whistling sound interrupted the moment. It
caught me by surpirse that I pulled away.

It was the high-pitched whistle of the tea kettle,
water boiling and ready to be served. I laughed, in
relief and used a mit to carry it by the handle and
start pouring it in a line of tea glasses. Stuart
watched me, as I poured the hot water in each glass.
"You're a good kisser." He said. Startled, I spilt the
water over the sides of the next cup! He snickered,
and helped my clean it. "Not very good at taking
compliments, are we?" He mumbled as he swiped up the
water. I playfully hit his back and said, "I guess.
Your the only guy whose ever said that to me before."

"Really? So a GIRL has said that to you before?!" It
was the teasingly lewd comment of John who must have
been snooping at the doorway. He strutted into the
kitchen with a devilish smile on his face. I gave him
a look and replied, "NO. I don't go snogging girls."
John shrugged. "Its a pity. For a moment there, I
thought you and Astrid had something goin' on." Stuart
gave John a disgusted look. "John, you wanker! You
only wish. Take your fantasies elsewhere." John raised
his eyebrows, amused. "Don't act like you don't like
it, Stu! All guys do. Men are perverts. Thats just the
way it is. Its genetics, I think. The Lord put
perversion in our blood."

Stuart rolled his eyes, and quirped "He went a little
over-board with you, didn't he?" I burst out laughing,
and John continued. "Ah, Stu! You know I'm God's
favorite." Stu nodded. "Oh, surely." I began to put
the tea bags in each glass. "But come now, Trixi. Have
you and Astrid seen eachother naked?" John wondered.
"Wouldn't you like to know..." I murmured.
"How's that?" John pressed.
"Of corse we have, John. We're roomates, for bloody
sake." I declared. John slapped his knee. "I knew it!
I knew it!" Stu slapped the back of his head. "Piss
off it, John." he scolded. John went on, "Do you girls
share the same bed?" I whipped around. "I should think
not. We're best friends, and roomates...NOTHING you understand me, Lennon?" John just looked
at me, innocently. "Okay John, I'll play your sick
game. Have you seen Stuart naked?" John was stunned
for a moment. How often did a LADY ask a question like
that? He said, "Naturally. And I enjoyed every second
of it..."

Stuart and I chuckled. "Alright, thats enough, Lennon.
Tea's ready. Go back in the livingroom." The three of
us entered the room, where Astrid and the lads were
caught up in deep conversation. "You don't really
think they would put up a wall to seperate Berlin, do
you?" Astrid said, softly. Paul nodded. "Its
inevidable. By the way things are looking these days
and the tensions building up. There have been rumors
of it. But I think its gonna happen...soon."
I swallowed down hard. "No, no. I disagree. They would
never let that happen. How could they?" I chimed in.
John plopped down on the ugly sofa and said, "So what
are we talking about now? The US Supreme court? The
English prime minister? Nazi Germany? Well if you
don't mind, I'll just be excusing myself now." he
teased. George sat him back down and said, "I'm with
John. Politics is bollocks. A bunch of unkept promises
constructed by a group set out to enforce unnecessary
laws. Thats the system for you." I arched my eyebrows.
"How old are you?" Astrid, too, looked befuddled.
"What is 'unnecessary'?"

"Nicht erforderlich." I translated for her. "Oh," she
nodded, in understanding. Then, I turned back to
George who sat quietly at John's side. "Er, actually
I'm only..." He looked to John for his approval first.
John nodded, "Go 'head." George met my waiting eyes.
"17." I swallowed my sip of tea and said, "But George,
you are not of legal age to be present at the
Kaiserkeller past 8 o'clock when the minors are sent
home." George agreed. "I know. But Bruno thinks I'm
18. I mean, I look 18, don't I? Sort of. I can pull it
off. And as long as no one rats me out, it'll be
I bit my lip. "We won't tell anyone, George, but you
must be careful. Do you have a fake identification

John gave a scowling look. "A fake ID? Whatever for?
He got in alright, didn't he? If he works there,
theres no need for one."
"Oh no, John. You're wrong. He needs one if he is
going to be working illegally in a pub like the
Kaiserkellar. What if he gets caught?" Astrid said.
John sneered. "He won't get caught! And let that be an
end to it...END TO IT! Come 'ead, whose to know?"
George sat quietly, looking small and defenseless. I
gave him a small smile to comfort him. "If you say
so." I managed to agree.

"I just remembered!" Astrid exclaimed, setting her tea
down. "Klaus talked to his friend in the publishing
buisness. He is going to a hearing of one of your
shows this week. He'll be anonymous, so you won't know
who it is. But if all works out, you may get a gig for
back-up vocals on Tony Sheridan's new album! Isn't
that exciting?" The lads suddenly ejected in interest.
"An album?!" Paul cried. "You mean like be on an
actual album?!" George threw in. John's eyes lit up.
"Astrid, that's fabulous!"
"That means you must be on your best behavior at all
times," I added. "Because you don't know when he'll be
coming to see you." I smiled at their exited faces,
when I noticed Stuart, whose face looked neutral to
the news. In fact, not even listening. He was studying
the wall, and the pattern running down the wallpaper
design. I watched him study the wall, deep in thought.
"Stu, do you hear that? We may be on an album!" John
shook his shoulder. Stu's line of thought broke and he
said, "Pardon?" John gave a cross look. "Where are
you, Stuart? Listen up, boy! The publishing fellow is
gonna listen to us, and decided if we're good enough
for a record." Stuart took a minute before he smile
lightly and then turned back to the wall.

"What are you looking at?" Astrid asked him. Stuart
turned to face her. "You ought to paint a mural on
that wall. It would look very ideal, especially if you
focused on warm colors, red and orange. And dark
shades. Tan, brown, and black." John rolled he eyes.
"Always thinkin' 'bout art, aren't ya, son? Stuart,
we're gonna be BIG! This is no time for art."
I ignored him and said, "Thats ironic you should
suggest that. Astrid and I have been thinking about
doing a mural. Never gotten round to it, but we'd like
"Would you? Oh, I would love to help you do it! I know
exactly what I would do. It would look fantastic." He
began explaining his vision of a mural for the wall. I
listened closely and noted Astrid's full attention
fixated on his every move. Then a thought crossed my
mind. I, it couldn't possibly. Though,
could she...take a fancy to him? "Would you like to
see my art studio?" I asked Stuart. He agreed, very
willingly and I excused us into the other room. He
trailed behind me up the attic stairwell. I reached
for the light, and turned it on. The room was dim,
quiet, tranquil, and forlorn.

"This is amazing." He said. He was looking over the
scattered paintings in awe, and facination. I couldn't
help but watch him. He had an...essence about him,
something captivating in the way he moved and spoke. I
found myself staring, him being oblivious to it. "You
are strikingly handsome." I said, softly. He gazed up
into my eyes. He looked beyond words. Again, he kissed
me in a rush of passion. My arms slipped around his
neck, his arms around my waist. It felt like nothing I
had ever felt before. It felt right. It felt good. It
felt Real love. The love you feel when
you wake up in the morning to greet a new day, and you
picture that man's face. As if it were, love at first
sight. The way he held me just then, the way he
touched. I let my fingers comb through his hair, and
it was slick and silky. It shined and bounced softly,
with such a gentle feel to it.

I remembered my promise to myself: no more dating. But
it didn't matter any longer. I was in love for the
first time, I just knew it. I hoped that Stuart knew
what I was feeling, and felt likewise. I drew my lips
back and then, took a tease approach of pulling away
as if nothing. I wanted to see his reaction. His
eyebrows lifted and he said, "So?" I sat on the cold
floor, and crossed my legs. "So what now?" I asked,
sweetly. He sat in front of me, and leaned in to kiss
me again. I quickly pulled away with my finger in
front of his lips to stop him. "Na-ah, Stuart." I
admonished. "Because if you kiss me, I'm going to fall
in love with you." Stuart paused for a moment then
smiled up at me.

And we kissed.

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